Sex toys are often seen as a last resort. If you can’t have an orgasm or your partner doesn’t reliably get you off, then you try a sex toy. But this doesn’t have to be the case, and it shouldn’t be the case! The stigma surrounding sex toys is needless and detrimental. Sex toys can introduce a lot of benefits to your sex life, even if you enjoy masturbating without them and you have a satisfying sexual connection with your partner. Find out three reasons why you may want to incorporate them.
1. New Types of Orgasms
So many types of orgasms are possible for everyone, and there’s a chance that you’re missing out on some of them. If a man has never experienced a prostate orgasm, toys can help them experiment with this area. Women who have never found their G-spot (or, more accurately, their G-area) can use toys to help locate all the internal places that can bring them over the edge.
Some people have never experienced female ejaculation, and toys can help bring women to their first “squirt,” so to speak. Afterward, they can describe to their partner the pressures and rhythms that felt best, and the sex toy can truly be a learning tool for the couple.
Toys can make anal sex more accessible, too. While you can’t change the size of someone’s penis, you can start with a small, scalable butt plug or anal beads that can help you slowly get used to more significant sizes and intense sensations.
2. It’s Not a Replacement for Anything—It’s a Supplement
Lest your partner feel threatened or have another negative emotion about using sex toys, think of this as a new experiment you’re both trying together. In fact, a large portion of the sex toy market is made up of toys specifically meant for use during partnered sex. Worst-case scenario, you both decide you prefer to proceed without the sex toys. But, you can check sex toy experimentation off of your bucket list.
3. Sex Toys Can Help With Certain Conditions
Sometimes, women have difficulty reaching orgasm. This phenomenon is in part due to the fact that, growing up, most people did not experience a pleasure-oriented sex education. At best, they were shown how to use a condom in high school, and told not to get someone pregnant (including themselves!) or get an STI. And since porn is often so male-centered, the awareness of how women orgasm is lacking—sometimes, even for women. For women who want to learn more about their bodies, trying a vibrator or an internally stimulating toy can help them learn what is pleasurable, and what types of touch feel good.
As men age, erectile dysfunction becomes a common experience. Luckily, technology can save the day. Some toys are built for use without an erection and can help men get hard enough to have intercourse or an orgasm.
Some Tips for Getting Started
First and foremost, always make sure the toys you buy are body-safe. This is not something that’s regulated in the United States, so you’re going to have to be your own advocate while you shop. Most brands that are body-safe will advertise this feature, which is helpful. But you’ll still need to do a bit of research about which materials you’re using so that, for example, you don’t use silicone lubricant with a silicone sex toy, which can turn a body-safe toy into something toxic.
Next, bring this topic up with your partner in a no-pressure situation. Talk about it when you’re both relaxed and in good spirits; don’t spring it on them by whipping out a toy in the middle of sex. That way, you can decide together which toys you’re interested in trying—or not. If you’re nervous about having a conversation like this, don’t hesitate to bring it up in a session with a sex therapist that you trust. The safe environment of a therapy session has the added bonus of being a protected space where you’re both working toward a better relationship, so the conversation can feel more like a fun sex assignment that you try together than a fight waiting to happen.
Bio: Dr. Nazanin Moali is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in the Los Angeles area. She works with various individuals to understand and improve their sexuality. Dr. Moali conducts personal consultation sessions in her Torrance and Hermosa Beach offices, or via a secure, online video-counseling platform. Click here to take the sex quiz for women.