As a therapist specializing in the treatment of trauma and PTSD, I often work with patients who are struggling with their sexuality after a sexual assault. Often survivors will report feeling differently about sex or feeling that it has been tainted. Although these feelings do not have to be permanent, beginning to work through sexuality issues can be frightening. Experiencing issues around sex after an assault is very common and understandable. Some people react by avoiding sex all together while others may have an increase in sexual activity in an attempt to regain power. Sometimes people will experience sexual symptoms early on after the assault and others may bury them for years only to find they pop up at a later time.
Some symptoms that are common after a sexual assault include the following:
- Vaginal pain or discomfort
- Intrusive disturbing sexual thoughts or images
- Being afraid of sex
- Difficulty becoming aroused
- Feeling emotionally distant
- Compulsive or impulsive sexual experiences
- Erectile or ejaculatory difficulties
Identifying sexual symptoms is a good first step in the sexual healing process. Sometimes stepping away from sexual activity for a period of time can be helpful in the healing process as well. This can allow people space and time to identify what’s happening in their body and work on regulating.
Another important aspect of recovery is around shifting our mindset. When a sexual assault occurs, survivors may feel that sex is a weapon and one sided. It’s important to separate consensual sex from sexual assault because they are not the same thing. Sexual assault is about power and control while consensual sex involves communication, respect, safety, and mutually beneficial.
Shifting Your Mindset
Some tips that can be helpful in shifting our mindset toward healthy sex may include:
- Avoiding pornography if that is a trigger. Often pornography can portray sex as violent, aggressive, or non-consensual.
- Identify and know your sexual rights and boundaries and discuss them with your partner.
- Explore how you would like to think and feel about sex. Identify goals and formulate a plan to work toward them.
- Using accurate language when referring to sex. Avoiding derogatory language around sex.
- Education around healthy sex and sexuality.
- Working on becoming comfortable discussing healthy sex with your partner. Often people grow up in households where sex is seen as shameful or dirty which can contribute to shame and embarrassment.
- Check in with yourself before, during, and after each sexual experience.
Yes, No, Maybe Checklist
One tool I often suggest to survivors who are interested in being intimate with their partner is the Yes/No/Maybe checklist. This is an extensive checklist of potential sexual experiences that partners can fill our together or separately and then discuss. This allows for a deeper conversation on consent and pleasure. This tool can allow survivors to feel more empowered and in control of their sexual experiences.
If you are struggling with sex after sexual assault and would like to know more about Shannon’s services, please reach out today for a free consultation.
Bio: Shannon McHenry is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a specialty focus in childhood trauma, rape and battering, and PTSD. She is a trauma therapist in Los Angeles and works with clients in her offices in Los Feliz and Torrance. Combining clinical experience with a passion to support women in repairing their relationships with themselves and others, she has supported many to create a long-lasting recovery from destructive behaviors. Call Shannon today to book your first appointment.