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It can take some hard work, but it is possible to keep having a great sexual relationship during a long-distance relationship. Even if you are separated by several time zones, and your significant other is now living in a foreign country, it’s still possible to make things work. Here is my full interview with Dr. Dana Nelson, an American psychologist and counselor living and practicing in France in Sexology Podcast on this topic:

Continue to Lead Your Regular Life


First and foremost, it’s important to continue leading your own life when your significant other is away. Continue to interact with friends, remain social and carry on as you normally would. If you start to give up your life in order to preserve your ongoing sexual relationship, it could lead to resentment and frustration.

Communicate Openly


With that in mind, however, it’s important to open up the communication channels with your lover. In order to prevent your significant other from feeling insecurity and jealousy, there needs to be frank and open discussion about what constitutes “betrayal.” Find out how your sexual partner feels about you flirting with others, or about enjoying the attention of someone else. Keeping things secret will only lead to problems later down the road.

Embrace Technology


The good news is that modern digital technology has made it easier than ever for two lovers – even ones separated by an ocean, several time zones, and different cultures – to stay in touch. Just a few years ago, it might have only been possible to communicate via phone and traditional letters. Now, however, there’s Facebook, Skype, and even special sexting apps that enable you to keep your sexy messages private and discreet. Seeing your loved one via video helps with understanding body language and facial expressions.

It’s really up to you how creative you want to be. For example, if you have a “Skype date” coming up, you might want to build sexual anticipation by sending flirtatious or sexy texts in advance. Or you might want to share a sexual fantasy via email, and then use that fantasy as the basis for phone or Skype sex.

Take Responsibility For Your Sexual Needs


You need to take responsibility for meeting all of your sexual needs. You can’t be passive about your sexuality, because that will only lead to resentment and frustration. And you need to be willing to make yourself emotionally and sexually vulnerable. Doing so will build trust in your relationship, and if you are able to clearly communicate your sexual needs and fantasies, will eventually lead to the potential for hot, steamy sex when you meet again.

Keeping a sexual relationship going while separated by thousands of miles is possible. I’ve seen this first-hand, both in my own personal life, and in the lives of my sex therapy clients in Los Angeles. It’s always easier, of course, if there is an ultimate end date in site. That helps to make each day apart that much easier to get through.


Dr. Nazanin Moali runs a sex therapy practice in Los Angeles, California. She hosts a weekly podcast series called  Sexology. If you are struggling with sexual problems in your own long-distance relationships and would like to learn more about Dr. Moali’s online counseling services, contact her today for a free phone consultation.

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