If you’re in a long-term relationship, it’s almost certain that at some point, you will find you’re in a sexual routine. Sexual boredom is common, but there’s not much information on how to move beyond it. Most people want to find a relationship with love, connection, and stability, but those traits often have a hard time coexisting with sexual excitement and lust. Here’s how to navigate sexual boredom and get your spark back.
Identifying Sexual Boredom
A lot of people assume that sexual boredom only happens in monogamous relationships—but that’s just not the case. Single people and even those in open relationships can be bored sexually, too. They may experience their sexual boredom as low desire, a lack of interest in finding new sexual partners, or even as not having an emotional connection or sexual satisfaction during sex. Other single people may find masturbation has become boring. Anything can become monotonous if you do it over and over again.
What Doesn’t Help Cure Sexual Boredom
There are several things people try when they’re bored, but not all of them work. So, let’s talk about why novelty and mindfulness may not be all you need.
Unfortunately, mindfulness doesn’t always cure sexual boredom. Being bored in the bedroom isn’t necessarily a sign of being distracted. You can be hyper-focused on what you’re doing at the moment, but if it’s the same thing you did the night before, it will feel tedious regardless of your awareness.
Even introducing new things into the bedroom doesn’t always help. The problem with novelty is that sexual boredom doesn’t stem from a lack of lingerie or knowledge of various sexual positions. Instead, sexual boredom comes from missing the feeling of intense passion you had for your partner when you first met. However, there were a number of differences at the beginning of the relationship that allowed you to feel passion and excitement. For one, you probably didn’t see each other all the time. Rather, you wished you could see each other all the time. If you live together, you have less reason to long for your partner since you get to see them as often as you want.
The fact that novelty doesn’t always help is illustrated by the fact that hypersexuality is related to sexual boredom. Even those who compulsively seek out new experiences often find themselves in a rut of sexual boredom, seeking something that they never quite grasp.
Tips for Moving Past Sexual Boredom
The good news is that those who seek out sexual sensations typically find them. Essentially, keeping sex on your mind can help you be more responsive to sexual pleasure and less prone to sexual boredom.
It’s important to remember that sexual boredom is subjective. What is currently boring you might be someone else’s biggest fantasy come to life. Since sexual boredom is so subjective, seeing your sex life through a new lens can help you appreciate what you have.
Another thing to consider is that you may not be bored with sex in general; you may just be bored with the sex you’re currently having. People may feel obligations to their relationship, so they continue to have routine sex or limit their sexual partners even though they know they feel bored because of it. But it’s important to speak up so that you can tackle this problem together.
Infidelity and Sexual Boredom
Fortunately, infidelity tends to be complex and has an array of different causes, and it’s not simply caused by sexual boredom. So, you don’t have to worry that if you go through a brief dull sexual phase with your partner that you are singlehandedly tempting them to cheat. However, if you have been in a sexless relationship for a while and you are emotionally disconnected from your partner, your relationship may be more at risk for an affair.
The best thing you can do to get your sex life back on track is to work with a specialist. Contact me for a free consultation today.
Bio: Dr. Nazanin Moali is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in the Los Angeles area. She works with various individuals to understand and improve their sexuality. Dr. Moali conducts personal consultation sessions in her Torrance and Hermosa Beach offices, or via a secure, online video-counseling platform. Click here to download the 101 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Hot checklist.