Everybody wants better sex, but in general, improving your sex life takes time, effort, and commitment. However, there are a few things you can do immediately to make your sex life better. Here’s how to get started.
Avoid Incompatibility
Many people in relationships struggle with sexual incompatibility. Maybe your libido levels are vastly different, or perhaps you have different sexual styles. In cases like this, people usually end up in a routine of sex that only pleases one of the partners. But the truth is that people have a wide variety of turn-ons, and finding the overlap can save your sex life.
If one of you likes fast and furious quickies while the other likes slow, sensual seduction, don’t focus on the timing. Talk about other things that turn you on, like roleplay, specific sexual positions, dirty talk, spanking—whatever gets you both going. Begin by using a yes/no/maybe list, which you can easily find online. Fill them out separately and then compare notes to see which activities turn you both on.
While you may not have much in common, chances are you have something. And as long as you’re both on board, that’s a great starting place. Plus, once you’ve found the thing you’re both interested in, it can help overcome waning desire levels and pique your interest in having sex often again. So, tonight, find the overlap and plan to use it.
Make Seduction an Everyday Activity
Seduction is essentially inescapable at the beginning of a relationship. Almost everything you do is part of seducing your partner, and the lead-up makes sex in a new relationship so tantalizing. Once you get to know your partner, the tendency is to become more efficient at sex by skipping seduction and going straight for what works. Unfortunately, this can also make it dull.
Going back to your old habits can work wonders for your levels of arousal. Start seduction in the morning if you want to have sex that evening. Think about how you’re touching your partner and try to increase the levels of flirtatiousness in that touch all day. The more you take your time, the better it is. It can also help your partner respond more positively to your touch if they don’t assume that every time you touch them, it’s because you want sex. This is a great way to initiate sex lovingly. For more ideas on initiating sex, watch my video below:
Amp up your sexual tension with words, texts, and emails, too. This is easiest to do when your partner isn’t around friends. Sending a sensual message can let your partner know that they’re on your mind, even when you can’t be there physically, and it will give them a preview of what’s to come. Tonight, rediscover flirting with your partner.
Bring Balance Back
Resentment is an easy way to kill your sex life. If your relationship is unbalanced, resentment will build, no matter what else you have going for you. Think about things that bring you joy and peace in your life, including how much sleep you get, time spent with friends, and the ability to pursue hobbies. Often, these things are not equal in a relationship, and the partner taking the hits will feel resentment, especially if there is no end in sight. Tonight, consider redividing responsibilities so that the partner who has more can have more time to themselves.
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Bio: Dr. Nazanin Moali is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in the Los Angeles area. She works with various individuals to understand and improve their sexuality. Dr. Moali conducts personal consultation sessions in her Torrance and Hermosa Beach offices, or via a secure, online video-counseling platform. Click here to take the sex quiz for women.