Anal sex can be an eye-opening, toe-curling experience, but if you’re new to it, you’ll want some tips to help you get started.
Preparation Increases Pleasure
When you’re getting into anal for the first time, you must go slow, which is difficult. The first time, even a finger can feel like a lot. To ensure you stay comfortable throughout the experience, try it when you feel fully relaxed, maybe after a bath or meditation session. Then use a well-lubed finger and insert it only as far as is comfortable. Next time, you can try inserting it a bit further.
Preparing for anal sex can sometimes take weeks or even months, but it’s important not to rush the process so that you don’t injure yourself. The anus is a muscle that cinches closed most of the time, so you must practice getting it to open wide enough. The most important takeaway is that if you think you’re going to start from having no anal experience to trying penis penetration, that’s not a good idea. You’ll likely be in pain throughout and could end up with tears afterward.
Fingernails can snag, but sex toys are smooth and are often the perfect first step in learning how to enjoy anal sex. Some sex toy companies sell anal trainers, which are small sex toys that size up gradually so that you can start small and try larger toys comfortably until you’re ready for penetration. This helps your anus dilate slowly without danger to your rectum. Butt plugs can help you get used to the sensation and eventually enjoy it.
Don’t forget to keep barriers on hand to protect yourself and your partner whether you’re engaging in penetration, performing analingus, or even just fingering. Better yet, go to your nearest clinic and get tested for STIs together so that you have all the information before getting started.
Avoiding Anal Missteps
Many people start out experimenting anally with a partner, but this isn’t necessarily the best idea. The truth is that anal sex requires you to be perfectly relaxed, so trying out anal stimulation on your own is the best bet. You’ll learn what feels good, what feels like too much, and what you’re ready for without the pressure of someone you want to please. Then, you can guide the penetration process with a partner once you’re ready since you’ll know the angles that feel right to you.
Next, some people assume that the anus is a self-lubricating body part, but it’s not. You must use lube to have anal sex comfortably, and you should use a lot of lube to avoid an injury. You’ll undoubtedly need lube initially, but you may need to reapply throughout, so speak up if it starts to feel dry back there. Anal sex should not be painful, so advocating for your own pleasure and comfort is vital to making it a positive experience. If anal sex is uncomfortable even when you go slow and use lube, it’s a good idea to get checked out by your doctor, as you could have hemorrhoids or other medical issues that are treatable.
And what’s more, you don’t need to use an anal douche beforehand since that’s not where excrement is normally stored in the body. However, some people feel self-conscious about how their backside looks and smells, so a shower before anal sex can help manage that.
Further, despite what you have seen in porn, you can’t switch between body parts during anal sex. If your partner is a woman, once you start anal penetration, vaginal penetration is off the table unless you wash off completely in between.
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Bio: Dr. Nazanin Moali is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in the Los Angeles area. She works with various individuals to understand and improve their sexuality. Dr. Moali conducts personal consultation sessions in her Torrance and Hermosa Beach offices, or via a secure, online video-counseling platform. Click here to take the sex quiz for women.