Without a plan, sex can become stale, with or without a partner. You know what you enjoy, so you end up doing what you like—every night. Sometimes you need to remind yourself just how adventurous you are. Some call it a bucket list; others might have a wish list. Whatever you call it, planning is an activity that helps you guide your future somewhere sexy.
Where to Start
An excellent way to begin is to make a comprehensive list of everything you’ve never done sexually. Rather than starting from scratch, it’s often easier to grab a yes/no/maybe list from the Internet as your jumping-off point. Circle everything you haven’t tried, and then highlight the things that sound interesting to you. If you have a partner, have them join you.
After you’ve gone through the yes/no/maybe list and found some entries that belong on your wish list, get even more specific. Generic items like “a threesome” or “having sex with handcuffs” will likely be on nearly everyone’s list who hasn’t tried them before, but you’ll also want to fill your list with activities that reflect who you are as a person. Leave your preconceived ideas at home and try to keep your mind as open as possible. You may even find that you are kinkier than you ever imagined. And if you need some tips about how to approach the wild world of BDSM, check out my video below:
The sexual wish list is no place for fantasies that you don’t want to do in real life. Don’t pretend to be more adventurous than you are. If you want to try a slightly new position, that’s perfectly okay! Or, maybe you’d like to invest in lingerie or a sex toy. These are valid, fun, and sexy options, so ensure that you never submit to pressure from your partner (or even internal pressure!) and only include things you’d truly like to do.
Then, if you have a partner, see where there is overlap between your lists and add that to your list of sexual goals. The things you’re not both enthusiastic about can be kept as fantasies for now—unless you’re considering opening up your relationship. But you have to respect their boundaries; otherwise, you might end up engaging in something that poisons your relationship. Being adventurous while still being considerate of your partner’s wants, needs, and feelings is key to having good sex in a long-term relationship.
Long-Term Sexual Wish List Upkeep
After you cross a few items off your list, it’s vital to take a second look. Think about what you learned about yourself from your new experiences. Was the threesome everything you hoped it would be or was it a bit different than you expected? Are there other elements that might heighten it next time—if there will be a next time? Consider activities that felt like they weren’t for you, but also reflect on what surprised you that you liked. You might learn about how important chemistry is to your sexual adventures or even about what it takes for you to feel chemistry with someone.
Keep in mind that you don’t have to be adventurous forever. In fact, that might sound a bit exhausting or even impossible. Your sexual adventure list may be something you bring out once a year, or you may want to go on a full-blown exploration for six months and then have things return to the way they were.
Work With a Trusted Therapist
Another way to keep sex hot long-term is to work with a therapist that can help guide you on an emotionally safe and adventurous path. Contact me for a free consultation today!