Sex is a vital part of relationships for connection, intimacy, and self-expression. But let’s face it: most of us are having sex for pleasure. Having an orgasm can be an important part of sex. And if the sex you’re having isn’t helping you get off, you might find yourself feeling disconnected from your partner or resentful at the pressure to continue having sex. Sometimes, changing something as simple as the position you’re having sex in can make a significant difference in your ability to climax. Here’s how to find the right one to get you off.
Start By Yourself
Having sex with a partner is an excellent way to try to have an orgasm. But sometimes, starting on your own is the best way. You may not feel comfortable being brutally honest with your partner during sex, and having information about what you like in advance can be helpful. Instead of saying, “That doesn’t feel good,” you can say, “This feels better.” An excellent way to start learning about which types of internal stimulation is to get as turned on as possible and use a sex toy, like a dildo. You can even take notes if you’re so inclined. Pay particular attention to which positions help you stay erotically charged and which ones decrease your turn-on.
Aging Plays a Part
As you age, your vagina changes. It may not produce as much moisture as it used to, and positions that you used to like may become uncomfortable or even impossible. When these changes happen, it’s crucial to respond to them, not by limiting how you have sex, but by expanding it. Trying new positions if the old ones no longer do the trick is critical. You may want to consider purchasing sex furniture so that the positions you love are comfortable and supported for long periods without exacerbating an injury or chronic condition.
Further, your erogenous zones may change. Your vagina may change shape slightly due to the lack of moisture, and positions that used to light your fire now leave you hanging. If this is happening, let your partner know! Faking your orgasm is a one-way ticket to disappointment, and it can have long-term implications for the happiness of your relationship. Instead, ask your partner to finger you or go down on you until you climax. Pleasure mapping may help, too, so you and your partner can re-learn where your erogenous zones are.
Positions to Rediscover
Missionary doesn’t have to be boring—in fact, it can be volcanic. To make it more comfortable and increase the amount of friction that the clitoris receives, try putting an extra-firm pillow under your backside. This also makes it easier to target the G spot.
If your partner is having trouble reaching your G spot, doggy-style can shorten the vagina and increase the intensity. However, long stretches of doggy style can be difficult on the back and wrists. In that case, you might benefit from a sturdy pillow or bench to lean over and take some stress off your lower back.
Being on top is good from a pleasure standpoint since you can control the depth and rhythm of the thrusts. But as you age, you might find that it’s not easy on your hips or knees. Certain sex swings can be lowered so that you are hoisted up, removing most of the pressure from your joints.
Some of the best sex positions have nothing to do with the angle of the erection or penetration but have everything to do with how easy it is to add a sex toy. The spooning position is ideal because both of you are lying in supported positions, and with a heterosexual couple, the woman will be in front with her hands free and clitoris available for stimulation. This can also be done in cowgirl or missionary if you have a flatter toy that won’t get in the way.
Certain positions are not as good for people with erections, too. In fact, some positions may make maintaining an erection difficult. For more on this, check out my video below:
Experimenting with sex positions, furniture, and toys is an erotic way to bond with your partner. Don’t give up until you find a combination that works for you!
Good Sex Can Last a Lifetime
If you’re ready to create a science-based path toward a fulfilling sex life, contact me for a free consultation today.
Bio: Dr. Nazanin Moali is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in the Los Angeles area. She works with various individuals to understand and improve their sexuality. Dr. Moali conducts personal consultation sessions in her Torrance and Hermosa Beach offices, or via a secure, online video-counseling platform. Click here to take the sex quiz for women.