It’s never too late to update your sexual skillset. And one of the most important things you can do to improve it is by increasing your and your partner’s sensual expertise. Below are some tips on how to do exactly that.
Becoming a Permanent Sexual Student
An excellent way to start becoming more in-turn with your partner’s body is by learning what they like. The height of being good in bed is when you develop mastery at pleasing your partner.
Every body is different, so don’t fall into the trap of thinking that what worked with your ex will work in your current relationship. Become curious about your partner’s boundaries and fantasies so you understand what they already know they don’t want as well as new areas they’d like to explore with you.
Sexual Communication
Even the most curious and eager sexual partner won’t be able to fully understand your sexuality unless you’re willing to communicate. Talking about what you need in bed is a skill that was neglected in most of our sexual educations, but it’s a critical component of a satisfying sex life.
When your partner asks if you like what they’re doing, give them an honest yet tactful answer. If they are doing something that turns you off, causes you pain, or just isn’t what you’re in the mood for, speak up! It can feel awkward at first, but the more you practice, the more natural it will become. It’s always a good idea to tell them what you love about your sex life first so that the focus stays positive and the conversation doesn’t feel like an attack.
Building Anticipation
Most of us dive into sex too quickly. Early in relationships, we do it because we’re so excited to be with the other person that we want to tear each other’s clothes off as soon as we’re together. Then, in longer-term relationships, we race into sex because we already know exactly what to do to get the other person off. Yet, what we end up with is the fast-food equivalent of sex rather than a long-simmering delicious meal.
When you optimize an activity like sex, you rob it of its emotional charge. You don’t have the chance to get excited about sex because you’re too quickly having it. Further, you end up having the same kind of sex over and over, and that’s hard to get excited about. Worst of all, vulva-owners can’t reach full arousal since it takes their bodies longer to get into a state of full turn-on.
To counteract these habits, slow things down. Run your fingers through your partner’s hair, undress them slowly, and do whatever you can to add frisky tension to your interaction before you have sex.
Think about your first kiss. Before you had it, you probably daydreamed about it for quite a while. Perhaps you wondered what it would feel like, who it would be with, and whether or not you would be good at it. This sense of anticipation is what makes sensual activities memorable and hot.
To access some of that sexual energy, you must take a step back and treat sex like it’s new to you again, even when it’s not. Arousal builds inside your body if you let it, but that takes time and effort. Knowing that you need more time for sex is one thing, but it won’t make a difference until you start implementing that in your schedule.
Better Sex Starts Here
The people who have good sex for a lifetime are those who are willing to reinvent it from time to time. If you’d like more tips about how to have better sex, contact me for a free consultation.
Bio: Dr. Nazanin Moali is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in the Los Angeles area. She works with various individuals to understand and improve their sexuality. Dr. Moali conducts personal consultation sessions in her Torrance and Hermosa Beach offices, or via a secure, online video-counseling platform. Click here to take the sex quiz for women.