The reality is that as many as 1 in 5 women  have experienced an incident of sexual abuse in their own life. Yet, while sexual abuse may be disturbingly widespread in society, there are relatively few resources for women to find out how to rediscover the joy of sexual intimacy after such a traumatic experience. For that reason, I recently sat down with Wendy Maltz LCSW, author of the classic recovery work The Sexual Healing Journey, to talk about the path to recovery.

Stop Blaming Yourself

The first step in the recovery process is simply overcoming the propensity to blame yourself for what happened. Just because you gave consent for a certain level of sexual intimacy, for example, doesn’t mean that you gave consent for sexual intercourse. And just because you were intoxicated one night does not mean that a sexual partner had the right to violate your body.

The problem is that the mainstream media has a tremendous influence on how we think about horrible acts like rape. Just watch any TV crime drama – there is almost guaranteed to be at least one violent scene of non-consensual sexual intimacy.  TV shows and Hollywood movies often give a mixed message – they seem to suggest at times that a woman was “asking for it” if she wore revealing clothing, or that she was not clear enough in making her feelings about sex known.

As a result, as I’ve discovered in my own sex therapy practice in Los Angeles, many clients can take months before they can open up and acknowledge that an act of sexual assault even occurred. These women will try to minimize and discount what happened. This is particularly true if an incident of sexual assault took place with a familiar partner or in a familiar environment.

Regain a Positive Attitude About Your Body

But once you get past this initial step, it becomes easier to get on the path to recovery. It is important to take small steps at a time to regain positive feelings about their body. For some, that might mean experimenting with sexual exercises and touch techniques. For others, it might mean taking a yoga or self-defense class. Getting in touch with your body and regaining a sense of control can help women separate sexual abuse from healthy sexuality.

Involve Your Partner in the Healing Process

From there, it is important to involve one’s sexual partner in the recovery process. They need to learn about the sexual healing process as well, and find ways to make sexual intimacy as reassuring and comfortable as possible. Women who are dealing with sexual abuse or assault need to feel like they have a sense of control. They do not need to be “in control,” Maltz notes in my podcast interview with her – but they do need to feel like they stop a sexual experience at any time if they begin to feel uncomfortable.

While the journey to recovery can be a painful and slow one, it is also a rewarding one. Wendy Maltz has a very affirmative message for women out there who are recovering from sexual abuse: “Love is stronger than abuse.” The inner strength inside each and every one of us can help us start each day stronger, confident in our ability to recover and heal from even the most painful experiences of sexual abuse.

Below you will find my entire podcast interview with Wendy Maltz on this topic: