Fisting is known as an extreme activity more often than a pleasurable one, even though it can be orgasmic. If you’re curious about trying it, doing so slowly and safely is vital. Getting started fisting is as simple as grabbing a bottle of your favorite lube, finding a partner you trust, reading the tips below.
What Fisting Is
For the uninitiated, fisting is a sexual activity where you insert your entire hand into someone’s vagina, anus, or mouth. It’s a big step up from fingering and can be enjoyed by anyone who likes more extreme penetration sensations. Fisting can feel like the Olympics of sex, not only because of the sense of accomplishment afterward but also because of the amount of preparation involved.
Why People Love It
When you think of penetration, whether by fist, erection, or sex toy, many people think of the penetration happening to a “hole,” the mouth, vagina, or anus. But the idea of a hole is the idea of an absence, of something passive. In fisting, as is the case with all sexual activity, the vagina, anus, or mouth is an active presence, a force of its own. The anus, mouth, or vagina isn’t simply accommodating penetration, it’s enjoying it. After fisting, the person may feel a sense of pride and accomplishment for taking something so huge. It can be arousing for those who identify as size queens or fans of BDSM.
Fisting is pleasurable not just for the person being penetrated but also for the person penetrating. Your hands are covered in nerves, and the tactile sensation of exploring your partner’s body can be a huge turn-on, and it’s very intimate.
Part of the intimacy that arises is from the communication and time spent together before you’re ready for fisting. Ideally, you’ll talk about how you want to get started beforehand, communicate throughout the fisting scene, and then have another conversation afterward about how both of you thought the fisting went. You can discuss what worked, what didn’t, and what you want more of or less of in the future.
Where to Begin
Fisting isn’t something you just jump into—it takes practice and time for you and your partner to be ready. It’s not meant to hurt or injure; it’s supposed to feel good! Even though it’s a more intense activity, it doesn’t mean you can go at it with full force, especially not initially. You must go slow, check in frequently, and use more lube than you think is necessary. You may have to reapply lube several times. Unlike penetration from a toy or erection, the receiver may or may not enjoy the in-and-out sensation. They may prefer the feeling of fullness.
Keep in mind that hands vary in size, but they are typically larger than erections or most toys that people are used to inserting. The larger your hand, the slower you’ll need to proceed. If your partner is going too fast, that’s a red flag. It could be a sign of misunderstanding around consent or being selfish in the bedroom. If your partner might be a selfish lover, check out my YouTube video below:
Never try fisting when you’re feeling particularly tense. Mental tension often translates to physical tension, and this can result in a painful fisting session. Having a ritual of relaxation before this can help you get into the right state of mind for fisting. Consider taking up a meditation practice or mindful breathing before each fisting attempt.
Notice your breathing while you get fisted. If it becomes shallow and quick, you may be excited—or you may be in pain. If it’s starting to feel uncomfortable, take a break. Get turned on again and then return to fisting. Don’t try to push through, as this is how you end up with an injury or a bad experience that curtails your interest. Sometimes, distinguishing between pain and excitement is tricky. If the line between pain and pleasure is very thin for you, err on the side of caution. Safely getting out of your comfort zone sexually can be good for you, but risking your physical health and comfort can cause unnecessary harm. Making risk-aware assessments before getting started is crucial to safe, pleasurable fisting.
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Bio: Dr. Nazanin Moali is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in the Los Angeles area. She works with various individuals to understand and improve their sexuality. Dr. Moali conducts personal consultation sessions in her Torrance and Hermosa Beach offices, or via a secure, online video-counseling platform. Click here to take the sex quiz for women.