Almost everyone would improve their seduction skills if given a chance, but learning how to seduce is a difficult task. In this case, it might be helpful to think back to school. How did you learn best? Were you a visual, kinesthetic, or auditory learner? Your learning style doesn’t change just because the topic is sex. Further complicating the issue is that seduction is extremely subjective, so you have to learn how to seduce one person at a time to ignite passion effectively.
Getting Seduction Started
Before you learn new techniques, assess where your seduction skills are right now. Knowing what has worked for you in the past will help speed your progress toward expert-level seduction. Keep in mind what hasn’t worked and why it didn’t work. Perhaps it was the partner, the timing, or underlying relationship issues.
After considering your partner’s personality, you may want to try a variety of seduction methods and then gauge their reaction. Try sending a sexy picture (after asking first), and find out whether they were genuinely turned on or just being complimentary. Other people who are aroused visually may like a position that gives them an especially sexy view of you. Send voicemails while you are self-pleasuring or sexually charged texts if you sense that your partner isn’t turned on by visuals. Use a different cologne or perfume and see if your partner notices. Or, try touching them sensually at a time when sex isn’t feasible, to give them a taste of what’s to come later. Use techniques that involve each of the different senses to find out what works best for them.
Creating the Space for Seduction
It’s essential for people of any personality to build sexual tension in advance of sex. This component can be challenging if you live together, but it is all the more important. Anticipation isn’t what comes before pleasure—it’s part of the fun. Without anticipation, sex can feel monotonous. So when starting seduction, do something that makes you feel sexy but leave a little bit to the imagination. As you get to know your partner’s seduction style, you can turn up the heat a bit.
If your partner is away for a while, this is the perfect time to try out some new seduction techniques. The time away ups the anticipation factor immediately, and you’ll be able to see what works for you as well as your partner. You could try sexting, using teledildonics (sex toys that connect to the Internet for tactile sensation), or even touching yourself in front of your partner on a video platform.
Seducing Yourself—And Your Partner
Don’t forget to consider your underlying erotic approach. Everyone has a specific emotion that they need to feel in order to access their primal erotic nature. There is a broad spectrum of emotions that people need to feel to be “in the mood” for sex. Think back about your most erotic memories. Did you feel nervous when you were doing something new or adventurous? Did you feel loved, connected, and seen? Or did you feel sexier and more desired than usual? These feelings are more than side effects of great sex; they are often the reason for great sex. Sometimes people need to feel flirty, playful, and relaxed. Other people may want to feel dominated, dominating, or another feeling that is “taboo.” If you can nail down the essence of what you want to feel, you will be more likely to create a scenario rife with seduction.
Talk to your partner about their underlying erotic needs, too, to understand how they like to feel in order to be fully sexually expressed. And then think of activities that make your partner feel the opposite of the way you want to feel before sex. Avoiding these on days when you want to have sex can help you (and your partner) feel more reliably aroused.
If you and your partner would like help increasing your seduction skills and upping the heat in your bedroom, feel free to contact me for a free consultation.
Bio: Dr. Nazanin Moali is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in the Los Angeles area. She works with various individuals to understand and improve their sexuality. Dr. Moali conducts personal consultation sessions in her Torrance and Hermosa Beach offices, or via a secure, online video-counseling platform. Click here to download the 101 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Hot checklist. Download her new ebook, How to Increase Your Libido – For Women, here.