Premature ejaculation affects many men. In fact, the CDC lists it as the most common sexual problem in men. Left untreated, it can take a toll on their relationships as well. The medical definition of premature ejaculation includes anyone who climaxes within one minute of penetration, has trouble delaying their climax, and experiences adverse effects in their life due to their inability to last a bit longer.
The Effects of Premature Ejaculation
Premature ejaculation has many psychological consequences for those who suffer from it. For instance, there is the stereotype of men who have sex, finish quickly, and fall asleep immediately as being selfish, deficient sexual partners. Partners of people who ejaculate quickly may feel neglected unless their partner prioritizes their sexual pleasure equally. Further, premature ejaculation can cause sexual performance anxiety, making it hard to get an erection in the first place. People who have to focus on not climaxing each second during sex miss out on the importance of being present during sex, focusing on their pleasure, and connecting with their partner.
Sometimes, people will try to numb out, both physically and mentally, in an effort to last longer. Numbing creams are widely available, but they come with a massive downside: they decrease sexual sensation and pleasure in order to slow down the sexual experience. And remember, if a topical cream makes you numb, your partner will be numb, too. Mentally, some people will try to tune out what is happening and think about something purely non-sexual in order to last. Both of these techniques mean that you and your partner will miss out on an integral part of the sexual experience.
How to Take the Pressure Off
The incredible pressure of trying not to orgasm right away can certainly take the fun out of sex. But the danger to the relationship comes when the communication stops. One partner might not feel taken care of sexually, and the other might feel incredible stress and want to avoid sex altogether. The important thing is to address the problem together, as a team, rather than blaming each other for the issue.
Another great strategy is to try sexual activities that don’t involve erections in addition to whatever kind of sex you usually have. For many people, oral sex isn’t a consolation prize, but the thing that they look forward to the most during a sexual experience. If you can become skilled at oral sex, you can spend quality time with your partner and help them climax. Then the issue of premature ejaculation won’t be so daunting.
Further, if you get overstimulated, try moving to a new activity or position. Take a break to give or receive an erotic massage or spend more time kissing and caressing each other. Trying new things in bed is doubly beneficial. Not only can they extend your time before orgasm, but they can also put the thrill back into your sex life.
If you’d like more tips on overcoming premature ejaculation, contact a professional today.
Bio: Dr. Nazanin Moali is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in the Los Angeles area. She works with various individuals to understand and improve their sexuality. Dr. Moali conducts personal consultation sessions in her Torrance and Hermosa Beach offices, or via a secure, online video-counseling platform. Click here to download the 101 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Hot checklist.