What could be better than an orgasm? The only thing better than an orgasm is one that lasts longer and feels more powerful. Luckily, both are options for your sex life if you give it the time and effort it deserves.
Clear Your Head
First, you’re going to need to relax. Relaxing gives you the ability to have better focus and not feel rushed, both of which are important in getting to your biggest orgasm ever. Many people tense up or hold their breath to push past the threshold of arousal into orgasm, but this isn’t a helpful practice. Try to keep breathing deeply through the period where you would normally hold your breath, as this can deepen your orgasm.
Make sure you put any regularly scheduled masturbation fantasies on hold, too. For a mind-blowing orgasm, you want to focus fully on the present sensations rather than something that is not happening. When you’re picturing something else, it can water down the intensity of what is happening for you at that moment. Fantasy has a reputation for increasing turn-on, but most people’s natural state is one of arousal—or at least, the ability to reach arousal. Finding your natural arousal is more effective than conjuring something, especially if that specific fantasy has been in frequent rotation. Fantasies are excellent for sex in many regards, but to reach your peak orgasm, save them for another day.
Redefine Foreplay
Foreplay is a pretty loaded term in our culture. It frequently refers to all of the activities that can help women get off, while “actual sex” refers to activities that won’t help women climax. The idea that “actual sex” is separate from foreplay reduces the legitimacy and pleasure of sex that comes in a same-sex relationship. So, if you have a vulva, don’t rely on penetration to get you to your best orgasm, or you’ll likely be disappointed. Use a combination of external stimulation and internal stimulation, and see what rhythms and types of touch you enjoy most.
Notice New Pleasurable Areas
Since we tend to prioritize efficiency, most people only know about the primary erogenous zones. But the areas of your body that give you sexual pleasure are vast. It’s worth having your partner touch you—or you can touch yourself—everywhere to find some spots off the beaten path that can bring your arousal to a brand new level. Don’t focus merely on lips, genitals, and nipples, but consider your collarbones, spine, and even feet.
Enjoy the Process
It may sound counterintuitive, but the next step in getting to a mind-blowing extended orgasm is to take the focus off of the orgasm. If you have a goal-oriented mindset, you will typically take the shortest, most effective way to get to orgasm, which will ensure it is ordinary rather than amazing.
When you enjoy the path toward orgasm, you can hover around orgasm for a long time. With the extra anticipation that builds comes a better orgasm. There’s a sexual activity called edging, which means when you get close to orgasm, you stop for a short intermission. This part is best saved for a day when you have time to spend exploring. Practicing this helps you stay engaged with your arousal, and with each break you take as you hone in on orgasm, your pleasure increases. Don’t take a break for too long, or your attention will wander. But feel free to grab some water and then start back up again.
One at a Time
If you are practicing for an extended orgasm with your partner, make sure you go one at a time. Trying to orgasm together only complicates matters and takes the focus off the one being pleasured. So, take turns and don’t rush. If you only have time for one person, the other person gets the entirety of the focus on the next exploration day.
For more tips on living your best sex life, reach out to me so we can schedule a session together.
Bio: Dr. Nazanin Moali is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in the Los Angeles area. She works with various individuals to understand and improve their sexuality. Dr. Moali conducts personal consultation sessions in her Torrance and Hermosa Beach offices, or via a secure, online video-counseling platform. Click here to download the 101 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Hot checklist. Download her new ebook, How to Increase Your Libido – For Women, here.