When people think about sex technology, the first things that pop into their head are frequently sex toys. But development in the field of sex tech includes far more than vibrators and cock rings. Sex tech has given us vital sex aids like lubricants and condoms as well as treatment for STIs. All of these things help make sex safer, more accessible, and more pleasurable.
Why Sex Tech Is Important
Sex tech inventions have saved lives around the globe, and yet, stigma surrounds the industry. Those who spend money to augment their sex lives are often seen as desperate or unable to engage in sex in traditionally, culturally sanctioned ways. People might think that women who use lubricant are out of touch with their sexual desire, or that those who use toys only do so because they can’t find a partner.
Sex toys are essential vehicles for pleasure, especially for women. Since comprehensive sex education is rare, many women expect that penetrative sex will give them an orgasm, even though this no often the case. When women are willing to try sex toys, they often find that external stimulation around the clitoris is a much easier path toward climax. Without sex toys to help women explore, many women are left feeling like their bodies are broken since they don’t orgasm like the women in porn. Using porn as sex education means that we have a vast swath of women who know what sexy is supposed to look like, but don’t know what sexual pleasure feels like.
Sex Tech and Stigma
Sexual health is still viewed as a luxury, not a necessity. And those who prioritize it are often stigmatized for doing so. Our culture fixates around the notion of having sex in “the right way.” This view is often hetero-centric, considering oral sex foreplay and minimizing ways to find pleasure that aren’t penetration oriented. People watch pornography and movies to identify an acceptable to have sex so that they can mimic it. Unfortunately, this rigid understanding of sexuality excludes the beautiful nuances that make people individuals, and worse yet, it makes people self-conscious and limits their idea of sexual pleasure.
What our culture stigmatizes usually comes down to what the people in power think is acceptable or non-threatening. Scroll through social media, and you might find ads for weapons, unhealthy fad diets that can trigger eating disorders, and other dangerous content. However, sexual toys or aids are typically censored. For some reason, we live during a time when sex is considered more dangerous than violence. And this fear of sexuality is what drives the censorship and lack of education.
How to Change It
The best way to dismantle stigma is to start a conversation. If you had an enjoyable or educational experience with a sex toy, tell your children when they are an appropriate age. Talk to your friends about your favorite kind of lube.
The other necessities for change are advocacy and healing. People have to fight for the world they want to live in in the future. And before that can happen, we have to heal from prior sexual shame. When you begin this journey, start with compassion for yourself and acknowledge the way that you were raised. Don’t berate yourself for not already being more open-minded; just commit to eliminating the destructive thought processes that have lingered since childhood. If you’d like help unlearning harmful sexual views, reach out to a therapist who can help you focus on your sexual wellness.
Bio: Dr. Nazanin Moali is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in the Los Angeles area. She works with various individuals to understand and improve their sexuality. Dr. Moali conducts personal consultation sessions in her Torrance and Hermosa Beach offices, or via a secure, online video-counseling platform. Click here to download the 101 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Hot checklist. Download her new ebook, How to Increase Your Libido – For Women, here.