Masturbation is a healthy sexual practice for many reasons: it helps you get to know your sexual preferences, allows you to exercise your creativity and imagination, and provides stress relief. But some people believe that masturbation in a long-term relationship signifies something gone wrong. However, this couldn’t be further from the truth. So, let’s talk about why people continue to masturbate even when they’re perfectly happy in their relationship.
Why People Masturbate in Long-Term Relationships
Most people in long-term relationships still masturbate, and there are many reasons they may do this. For one, they may have very different libido levels, with one person wanting sex frequently and the other wanting it only occasionally. Masturbation can help fill in the gaps and keep both people satisfied.
Or, perhaps the relationship has become sexless. This situation happens all too often, and it can be a difficult cycle to break. For people to still express themselves sexually, one or both partners in a sexless relationship may masturbate. To find out more about sexless relationships, watch my video below:
The truth is that masturbation in a long-term relationship doesn’t necessarily indicate a lack of sexual satisfaction. Sometimes you’re tired and you don’t have the energy to connect with someone, but you might have a few minutes for self-pleasure. Other times, you’ll want to spend the time to flirt with, seduce, and have great sex with your partner. If you had a terrible day, you still might want the stress relief of a solo quickie, but you probably don’t have the presence of mind to be a good sexual partner. Sex and masturbation have very different time and mood commitment levels! Masturbation is a form of self-care, and you shouldn’t have to give up the benefits once you’re no longer single.
When Masturbation Becomes Unhealthy
Sometimes, masturbation starts to take the place of sex if one person always masturbates instead of getting intimate with their partner. It’s vital to a long-term romantic relationship to save part of your sex drive for time with your partner. Some people may become dependent on porn or specific fantasies that they feel ashamed of to reach climax. Others may masturbate because their partner doesn’t get them off or because they feel sexual boredom. If you are lying about what’s going on, there’s a problem.
Masturbating Together
The best way to ensure your masturbation practices stay healthy within your relationship is to communicate with your partner. Don’t keep it a secret! The more secretive you are, the more it can feel like a betrayal. Let your partner in on your habits and ask about theirs as well.
Next, start a conversation about your fantasies. Do you know what your partner thinks about when they touch themself? The answer might surprise you—and you might find it super hot. It can feel vulnerable to share these parts of yourselves with someone else, but it’s an integral part of getting to know someone sexually.
Lastly, if you’re both not up for a full-blown evening of sex, consider masturbating together. It can be bonding—and illuminating. Watching your partner masturbate can give you a new bag of tricks to use next time you’re touching them.
Upgrading Your Sex Life
When you’re ready to take your sex life to the next level, contact me for a free consultation.
Bio: Dr. Nazanin Moali is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in the Los Angeles area. She works with various individuals to understand and improve their sexuality. Dr. Moali conducts personal consultation sessions in her Torrance and Hermosa Beach offices, or via a secure, online video-counseling platform. Click here to sign up for her live workshop, 7 Tactics for Achieving Optimal Performance Without Medication.