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Cuckolding and hotwifing are some of the most common fantasies out there, but they are also practices that have been unfairly stigmatized. People often write them off as immoral, yet they have stuck around and remain a popular porn search. Here’s what you should know about hotwifing before getting started.


What Hotwifing Is

Many people wrongly assume that hotwifing is cheating. It’s not. Hotwifing is a gendered term for when one part of a couple is allowed to have sex with others while the other partner watches. It’s a form of polyamory, and both partners must consent to it for it to be ethical. However, hotwifing is a term that doesn’t resonate with everyone, just as the term cuckolding doesn’t fit everyone. It may not be the wife having sex with other people, so some people prefer to call it partner sharing or simply ethical non-monogamy. 


Often, people assume that the wife is the only one allowed to have sex with others, but the setup of nonmonogamy is different for every couple. Her partner doesn’t necessarily need to be sexually submissive, either, though many enjoy the humiliation aspect of sharing their partner and watching from behind the scenes. Humiliation can be a part of the experience, especially for couples who are into kink or BDSM, but it’s often absent from the hotwifing experience. 


Voyeurism is another aspect of hotwifing, though it doesn’t have to be. Some partners want to watch their partner have sex with someone else; others simply want to hear about it. Yet others are happy knowing that it is happening without getting into the details. Hotwifing, at its best, can be a celebration of sexuality.


The Stigma Around Hotwifing

Many people are interested in sharing their partners but afraid to begin, thanks to the stigma surrounding it. Some people believe that whoever allows their partner to have sex with others is weak or naïve, but this typically isn’t the case. Usually, the cuckolded partners are into it just as much as the partner who is sleeping with others. If you ask any submissive in BDSM, you’ll find that the submissives welcome the opportunity to let someone else take control and have an incredible amount of agency. 


Next, people think that hotwifing is something that will end a relationship. This stigma surrounds non-monogamy in general. People believe that the only reason to have sex with others is to add spice to a failing relationship or to “shop around” before ultimately splitting up. Couples with excellent communication and empathy skills can make the hotwife lifestyle work long-term.


When Hotwifing Is Healthy for a Relationship

If you’re in a healthy, loving relationship, hotwifing can be a way for both partners to explore a new level of pleasure. And for people who were raised as women, hotwifing can be extra empowering because it is the opposite of slut-shaming—it’s more like slut worship. It can also be a safe place for men to explore their bisexuality without having to be hands-on in the beginning. Same-sex couples may enjoy the intense thrill of seeing someone else enjoy their partner sexually while knowing their relationship is secure. 


How to Get Started

Some people feel curious but also scared of the idea of hotwifing, which is normal. The more taboo something is, the more it piques some people’s sexual interest, but stigma makes it feel dangerous.


If you want to try sharing your partner, you don’t have to throw caution to the wind and find out if jealousy is a problem after you can’t unsee or undo some things. You could begin by watching your partner flirt or passionately kiss someone you don’t know. Then, you might want to try watching your partner interact with a cammer or other virtual sex content creator and go a bit further. If you are comfortable—and turned on by the experience—you may want to take the next step by watching your partner have sex with someone else. Check in with your partner each step of the way to protect the trust in your relationship and be open to your boundaries as well as your partner’s.


For more ways to spice up your sex life, watch my video below:


Working With a Professional Can Help

If you’re considering trying out the cuckolding or partner-sharing lifestyle, having an expert can help you make the transition smoother. Contact me for a free consultation today!



Bio: Dr. Nazanin Moali is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in the Los Angeles area. She works with various individuals to understand and improve their sexuality. Dr. Moali conducts personal consultation sessions in her Torrance and Hermosa Beach offices, or via a secure, online video-counseling platform.  Click here to take the sex quiz for women.

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