(310) 600-9912 drmoali@oasis2care.com

There’s one thing that separates healthy, active, and continuously fulfilling sex lives from the rest, and that’s communication. Partners who can easily and frequently talk with each other about their subjective experiences when they have sex together can overcome just about any problem together. But what about people who have sexual inhibitions? Learning some helpful communication tips can significantly improve your sexual satisfaction. 

Talking About Sex Is Important—Even for Shy People

There’s no type of person or personality that just shouldn’t or can’t talk about sex. Talking about sex can be very empowering, but sometimes, negative experiences from childhood or religious backgrounds can make you feel like it’s easier to keep your mouth shut. But, sexual compatibility starts with great conversation, so building sexual communication skills is vital for everyone. 

Try Communication When You’re Alone

The first step is admitting to yourself what you like. Can you say it out loud, when no one is around? If you don’t know, it’s fine to admit that, too. But sometimes inhibitions serve as a mask for someone who hasn’t had time to experiment enough to know what they like. If that’s not you, and you know precisely what you want, try saying it succinctly when no one is around. You may have a complicated relationship with what you find arousing, but don’t let that stop you. Try to say what you like out loud. 

Boost Your Sexual Confidence

Sometimes, shyness comes from a lack of confidence. If you admit what you like, will your partner expect you to be an expert at it? The answer is probably not. But if they do, that’s unusual. Since everybody is different, and everyone likes different things, being an expert isn’t a part of the equation when trying a new sexual activity with a partner. Ask for feedback and then improve—that’s the quickest way to become an expert in your partner’s eyes. 

Another idea that helps build confidence is focusing on how you feel instead of how you look. You’re not making porn here, so forget what you look like and instead focus on the experience. Seeing your partner genuinely experience sexual fulfillment is far more sensual than watching someone trying to act sexy, period.

Inhibitions

Label Your Fears, Then Overcome Them

Consider why you’re so hesitant. What holds you back from being as sexually expressive as you’d like to be? You can start to overcome these inhibitions by fantasizing about a situation in which you’re living out loud, sexually. Imagine your partner watching you and enjoying it, and silence the critic in your head. Getting rid of body shame or trepidation about a kink takes practice, but it is worth it.

Try a Yes/No/Maybe List

If talking to your partner doesn’t feel like an option, try a different form of communication. Sometimes, it’s just the act of saying the words that can be tricky. Using a yes/no/maybe list can be beneficial because it’s something you can simply have your partner read. And once they’ve read it, the information is out in the open. It’s no longer as scary. They already know, they love you anyway, and now talking about it won’t feel quite so intimidating. 

Leave It to the Experts

If you are still a bit nervous about making a yes/no/maybe list, then perhaps consider something professionally done. If you have a favorite porn, book of erotica, or audio erotica, let your partner know. You could enjoy it together, or separately, but at the very least, this will open the discussion about the kind of sex you enjoy fantasizing about. 

What to Do If Your Partner Is Shy

If you have a partner who has inhibitions about their sexuality, give them helpful, reassuring, sex-positive feedback. Even though you already know why they’re so incredible, they may need a little coaxing to meet their sexual potential. These conversations often benefit from the presence of a trained relationship therapist who can help ensure that the conversation is productive and supportive. Try talking with someone you trust today.

 

 

Bio: Dr. Nazanin Moali is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in the Los Angeles area. She works with various individuals to understand and improve their sexuality. Dr. Moali conducts personal consultation sessions in her Torrance and Hermosa Beach offices, or via a secure, online video-counseling platform. Click here to download the 101 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Hot checklist.

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