The fact that men tend to be more visual creatures that are ready for sexual stimulation quicker than most women is well established. Women often need context, story, or even banter to be a part of the equation in order to find sexual content arousing. Frequently, women like to feel a certain kinship with the characters, or that the story resonates with them. This can make porn viewing tricky. Consider this: “porn for women” is one of the most popular search terms on pornography sites, but it’s not because women are the biggest demographic of viewers. It’s because only a select fraction of videos are made with their viewership in mind. The idea of a man searching for “porn for men” is laughable because porn is made for men. Many facets of sexuality have been defined by the male gaze and male pleasure, so porn for women is still a relatively new category.
Women Are Still Considered a Niche
The fact that women have been left out of vast swaths of sexual culture in the past has sometimes been mischaracterized as low desire. Many people watch porn with no or low-quality backstory and find that they don’t get turned on. Simply because they are watching sexual material and still not ready for sex does not mean there is a problem with low desire. Instead, the material just isn’t working for them. Historically, when women have complained of a lack of desire for or pleasure during sex, they have been diagnosed with “frigidity” or “hysteria.” However, now there is a better anatomical understanding of women’s bodies and what leads to pleasure.
The ignorance that our culture shows toward women can leave them feeling high maintenance, complicated, and broken—rather than merely neglected. When women see pornography that depicts them climaxing immediately from penetrative sex only, they often believe something is wrong when they can’t do that. Worse yet, this pornography is misinformation for men that have partners with vaginas. They may perpetuate the misguided shame that comes from not getting off without clitoral stimulation or oral sex.
Increasing Your Desire
Countless options abound for women to try if mainstream pornography just isn’t cutting it, but continually searching with no end in sight can be frustrating. Erotica podcasts, audio subscriptions, and books are everywhere and cater to a broad spectrum of women-friendly fantasies. Paying for pornography can increase the quality of content you are exposing yourself to. But before you can do that, you have to know exactly what you want. “Porn for women” probably isn’t enough information to find the perfect match for sexual content. So, try to be more specific. Include search terms that fit your deepest fantasies, perhaps something along the lines of “an introduction to BDSM for a submissive woman,” “hot queer love story,” or “quickie with a stranger.” The more specific you can be, the more chance you will find what you are looking for.
Avoiding Negative Content
Another thing the sexual content industry could use more of is trigger warnings. Avoiding consuming sexual content with situations that trigger you can be the difference between a fun masturbation session and a ruined afternoon. If you see something that doesn’t contain an appropriate label or trigger warning, give feedback to the site! The more women speak up, the sooner change will happen.
If you want more tips on how to amp up your sex life, get in touch with me for a free consultation.
Bio: Dr. Nazanin Moali is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in the Los Angeles area. She works with various individuals to understand and improve their sexuality. Dr. Moali conducts personal consultation sessions in her Torrance and Hermosa Beach offices, or via a secure, online video-counseling platform. Click here to download the 101 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Hot checklist. Download her new ebook, How to Increase Your Libido – For Women, here.