So many adults grew up in conservative, religious communities that imbued their upbringing with shame and sex-negative messaging. Coming of age in the church impacts countless facets of your life, and it’s not surprising when those principles show up in the bedroom. The ideas of purity, sin, and misogynistic views of sex can stick with you long after you’ve outgrown them.
Let’s talk about how to identify and move on from outdated views that keep you from realizing your sexual potential.
Questioning Old Beliefs
Growing up religious often means you’re discouraged from questioning sacred religious texts. Any questions or doubts are nipped in the bud, so even asking questions about the values you were raised with can feel bad, load you up with guilt, or seem scary.
It takes courage to question religion, especially when you’ve been told the stakes are so high. Yet even when you’re no longer associated with a religion, the effects can show up in your sex life long after, so it’s an essential undertaking.
For many people, working with a professional specializing in Sexual Empowerment Therapy can provide support while exploring the impact of long-held beliefs and rebuilding a positive connection with sexuality.
Purity Culture in a Nutshell
Purity culture peaked in the 1990s, placing a laser focus on women’s virginities and how important it was to wait for marriage to engage in intimacy. It also suggested that dating without the intent to marry was damaging.
Sex was often described as something that should only happen between a man and a woman within the confines of marriage. Even masturbation was viewed as wrong, and the onus was often on women not to tempt men into sex or to take the blame for sexual assault.
These messages can leave adults feeling like sex is sinful, their bodies are instruments of uncontrollable lust, and that sexual desire is a tool the devil uses to lure them into evil. Unsurprisingly, this can make fulfilling sex hard to access.
Many of these challenges are common topics in Women’s Sexual Health conversations. Years of suppressing desire can create confusion around pleasure, intimacy, and communication, making it difficult to develop a fulfilling sexual relationship.
What Purity Culture Left Behind
Here’s the thing: you can’t spend your entire childhood honing the skill of choking down your arousal only to have it reappear with regularity once you’re married.
When you become so used to ignoring, stifling, and strangling your libido, it tends to lie dormant in the long run. Training yourself not to think about sex during adolescence, when hormones are rising, is difficult, and it creates a pattern that takes effort to undo.
Some people find themselves associating normal desire with perversion.
Next, the lack of masturbation creates multiple problems. When self-pleasuring is off the table, you set yourself up for a lifetime of confused or disappointed sexual partners. When you don’t know what you like, it’s unrealistic to assume a partner would. Misunderstandings are bound to happen.
If you need more convincing that masturbation is healthy, check out my video on the benefits:
You may also find yourself dissociating during sex. You may feel your body and mind start to split because of lingering guilt and the inability to deal with an activity that feels right in your body but somehow wrong in your mind.
Taking steps to engage in conscious sexuality can be an excellent method to stop the habit of dissociation. Staying present in your body, having a mantra, and meditating before sex can clear your mind of thoughts that no longer serve you.
Deconstructing 101
Give yourself grace and space as you disentangle from your past religious beliefs. Working through old ideas to see if they still ring true is a worthy endeavor, though challenging.
A good place to start is by reading scientifically accurate information about sex. Getting a foundation of facts about sexuality can help you feel more confident as you move forward.
Whether you’re navigating these challenges independently or with support from Sex Therapy Los Angeles services, learning evidence-based information about sexuality can help replace shame with understanding and confidence.
Next, think about the ways your values harmed your sex life. If you can pinpoint the lingering effects, you can address them.
Abstinence-only and purity-based sex education does lasting damage to those who absorb it. Talking to your friends from that time in your life, or someone who went through something similar, can give you a sense of community and make the process less isolating.
Self-talk is crucial. Limit the negative things you say and think about your body, desire, and sex life. Learning to love yourself, including your sexuality, starts with realizing that you are in charge of your body and that you are good.
Understanding that desire is a natural part of life can be empowering because you’ll realize you weren’t failing when you had lustful thoughts. Rather, it was a normal part of growing up.
Talk It Through
Sometimes, working with an expert can help you identify blind spots, challenge lingering beliefs, and make meaningful progress. Relationship Intimacy Counseling can provide a safe space to discuss concerns around desire, communication, shame, and connection.
If you’re ready to take the next step, Dr. Nazanin Moali offers Virtual Sex Therapy California services for individuals and couples seeking support with intimacy, sexual well-being, and relationship concerns.
Whether you’re looking for a Sex Therapist Hermosa Beach, a Sex Therapist Redondo Beach, or convenient online support throughout California, professional guidance can help you move from repression to empowerment.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is virtual sex therapy?
Virtual sex therapy is online counseling that helps individuals and couples address intimacy concerns, sexual challenges, communication issues, and relationship satisfaction from the comfort of their own home.
How can sex therapy improve intimacy?
Sex therapy can help partners improve communication, overcome sexual concerns, rebuild trust, increase emotional connection, and create a more satisfying intimate relationship.
Why do many women struggle to prioritize their pleasure?
Many women grow up with cultural messages that encourage them to focus on others’ needs before their own. These beliefs can make it difficult to communicate desires, set boundaries, and fully embrace sexual pleasure.
Can sex therapy help overcome sexual shame?
Yes. Sex therapy provides a safe and supportive environment to explore feelings of shame, challenge unhelpful beliefs, and develop a healthier relationship with sexuality.
How do outdated sexual beliefs affect relationships?
Outdated sexual scripts can lead to poor communication, unmet needs, performance pressure, dissatisfaction, and emotional disconnection between partners.
Is virtual sex therapy available in Los Angeles, Hermosa Beach, and Redondo Beach?
Yes. Dr. Nazanin Moali provides virtual sex therapy services for clients in Los Angeles, Hermosa Beach, Redondo Beach, and throughout California.
Ready to Take the Next Step?
Ready to improve your relationship with intimacy, pleasure, and communication?
Dr. Nazanin Moali offers Virtual Sex Therapy Los Angeles services for individuals and couples throughout California. Schedule an appointment today.