Most of us didn’t grow up with a good understanding of what mindfulness is. And understanding what mindfulness means for your sex life is even rarer. However, to get the most out of your sex life, it’s essential to find a way to tune into your body and become a mindful person. Let’s talk about the significant impact that mindfulness can have on your sex life.
The Effects of Mindfulness in the Bedroom
The impacts of mindfulness are vast. Staying present can reduce your stress, lessen your anxiety and depression, help with eating disorders, and untangle a lot of other underlying psychological issues. If you get stuck in your head and this gets in the way of your orgasm, mindfulness is one of the best ways to retrain your brain.
Further, developing a mindfulness practice helps you be in the moment. When you can stay present during sex, you can be open to and accept sensations you may otherwise overthink. You may like something you’d never tried before if you’re able to keep your mind from judging yourself or experiencing shame. And when your partner knows that you are accepting and non-judgmental (and you feel similarly toward them), you can reach a level of safety that is necessary for you to explore sexually. The safer you feel, the more deeply you can explore new things with your partner, meaning your sex life will stay hot even in the long term.
Mindfulness can also help restore your desire. Some people have sexual desire that they haven’t tapped into because they felt shame or embarrassment about their sexual needs. It’s common to close yourself off to sexual feelings due to a sex-negative upbringing. But practicing mindfulness can help you reconnect to your body and learn to feel the desire that’s been inside of you all along.
Mindfulness is also an excellent tool for better sex because it pushes us to be less goal-oriented. Goal-oriented sex can be stressful, and it can force you to fall into a routine. But when you aren’t always set on having an orgasm or a specific type of sex, you’ll be more open to new experiences. Instead of rushing through the process, you can slow down and connect with your partner or even yourself, if you are self-pleasuring.
Lastly, mindfulness can be a way to work through shame. Instead of letting thoughts about how sex should look or feel ruin the actual experience, staying present can help you release those expectations and embrace what is.
How to Create a Mindfulness Practice
Starting with meditation is a great idea. You can find endless free meditations online, and they range from a quick five-minute breathing ritual to a longer, more involved reflection. If you’d like to cultivate mindfulness as a couple, try meditating together. You could have a few moments of eye contact, or you could do a silent meditation. It’s also a great idea to start a practice of gratefulness, which can help you connect as a couple and remember why you fell in love in the first place.
When you’ve gotten used to focusing and keeping your head clear during meditation, you can start to bring that into the bedroom. Try to be mindful during sex. Focus on the sensations at hand, and don’t let your to-do list disrupt the physical feelings you’re experiencing. Don’t drift off into a fantasy, either. If it sounds tough, that’s because it is. That’s why mindfulness is a practice. The more you practice this, the easier it will become to stay present during sex.
Want more help bringing mindfulness into the bedroom? Get in touch with a trusted therapist who specializes in sex today.
Bio: Dr. Nazanin Moali is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in the Los Angeles area. She works with various individuals to understand and improve their sexuality. Dr. Moali conducts personal consultation sessions in her Torrance and Hermosa Beach offices, or via a secure, online video-counseling platform.