For many happy couples, sex doesn’t stop when they get older. In fact, in many cases, sex can get even better. By the time you are in your 50’s or 60’s, you may be much more attuned to your erotic blueprint, as well as much more confident in your own sexuality.

Better sex at any age is a topic that I often discuss with clients at my sex therapy practice in Los Angeles. Many of them may be older, but they are no less active in their sex lives. To follow up on this idea of better sex at any age, I recently interviewed Dr. Stacy Friedman in my podcast, who is a Certified Sex Coach based in Florida with extensive experience in counseling older adults about sexuality.

Here is my interview with Dr. Stacy on sexuality and aging:

Sexuality Changes as We Age, But Doesn’t End

First of all, you need to get past the conventional wisdom that sexuality somehow ends as soon as you hit a certain age. For women, that is usually the point when they reach menopause. As you get older, you may not have the same amount of desire, and you may need more foreplay and arousal to get started, but it doesn’t mean that you still can’t enjoy sex. In fact, it’s not uncommon to meet older adults in their 70’s who are still going out on dates and engaging in casual sex.

One problem here is that society often treats sexuality in older adults as a taboo. Older men with intense sexual desires, for example, are often stigmatized as “dirty old men.” Even when a mother or father has lost their life partner, children can be deeply resentful if their parent starts dating someone else. Moreover, within the medical profession, there is often very little attention given to older adults who want to remain sexually active. With the continued aging of the Baby Boomer population, however, it’s almost inevitable that the concept of older adults remaining sexually active is going to enter the mainstream.

Physical Problems Should Not Limit You as You Age

Many of the perceived obstacles to better sex at an older age – such as physical disabilities, illness or pain in certain positions – can be easily overcome. For men, the solution might be as simple as taking a pill. However, for women, the answer is more complex. It often requires a partner who is comfortable and patient with who you are. This patience means a willingness to try out new positions or new toys that make sex more comfortable and more enjoyable.

If you have been involved in a sexual relationship with a person for decades, you might end up realizing that you are over-thinking these issues much more than your partner. “Most of the time,” says Dr. Stacy, “your partner could care less” about the way you look. Often, we pay more attention to the way our bodies look and feel than our partners do.

Beauty is Defined By Who You Are on the Inside

As we age, our bodies change. Who could argue with that? Unfortunately, too many people mistake outer beauty for sexuality. Instead, we should be thinking about how inner beauty starts to take on a much greater role as we age. We are the sum total of all of our experiences, and that means that all of life’s events – giving birth to a child, long years of marriage and possibly the loss of a partner late in life – have left their imprint on our bodies.

You need to be comfortable with the aging process, and use it to develop a sort of inner, quiet confidence. That, in turn, will radiate outward as a form of beauty. Sexiness is confidence. It is a different kind of confidence that we might have had in our 20’s or 30’s, but one that is grounded in our achievements, our accomplishments and what we have become in life.

Relationships in Different Stages of Life

One key point to keep in mind is that all relationships are unique. And their arc and development are different as we get older. As a result, you shouldn’t try to compare a hot, steamy sexual relationship that you had in your 20’s with a sexual relationship in your 50’s or 60’s. Both can be satisfying, and both can lead to a lifetime of happiness. Too many people, though, start to have questions if things are not happening as quickly in the bedroom as they did two or three decades ago. That’s a natural concern, but not one that should be an obstacle to a healthy sexual relationship.

As I tell my older sex therapy clients, you shouldn’t be afraid to look in the mirror as you get older, and you shouldn’t think that sex stops at a certain age. Sexual activity as we age is not only healthy, it’s also a lot more common than you might think.