BDSM used to be stigmatized as something that damaged folks engaged in, and was, in general, considered a deviant kind of sexuality. For those who are unfamiliar, BDSM stands for bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism. BDSM culture covers a broad spectrum of people ranging from those who occasionally like to be restrained during sex to those with a specific kink, like a foot fetish. Now that more studies have been conducted and our culture’s shame-based mentality around sexuality is starting to subside, it’s evident that BDSM can be fantastic for your psychological health and self-image, and even qualifies as a form of self-care.
1. BDSM Involves Mindfulness
When you engage in a BDSM scene, there is usually a bit of adrenaline involved. That’s because BDSM always includes some form of power exchange, meaning one person is in charge of the other. Obviously, safe words and consent are paramount to ensuring the person surrendering control stays within the sexual boundaries they’ve set. But, the power exchange can intensify your senses and cause you to be fully present in the moment—far more so than vanilla sex.
Consider how it would feel to be blindfolded during sex. Your other senses are heightened, you’re listening to your partner, and the awareness of touch is electrified because it comes as a surprise. It’s the opposite experience of sorting through your to-do list in your head during sex because it’s become a routine. Trying BDSM is a great way to practice mindfulness and self-care during sexual experiences.
2. BDSM Is Creative
You may have seen coloring books marketed to adults that are supposed to provide stress relief. BDSM is kind of like that, but for your sex life. When you begin a “scene,” which is BDSM-speak for a time of sexual play, you get to access your creative side. And doing something creative is a perfect way to decompress, nourish your originality, and prioritize self-care.
3. BDSM Is a Skill
One of the benefits of BDSM is that it is a skill that anyone can learn. The intellectual and psychological component of taking or surrendering control makes the experience less about how sexy you are, and more about how inventive and inspired you can make the scene. When you realize your brain can be your primary sexual draw, or that you have a powerful sexual technique, it can be very empowering—especially for women who have battled eating disorders. No longer is your body the principal object of scrutiny; your mind is equally incorporated into your sexual pleasure.
Further, BDSM can help you cultivate life skills that benefit your mental health. For instance, to make a scene visceral and hot, you’ll need excellent communication skills and the confidence to try dirty talk. The time you spend out of your comfort zone can help you build confidence, get better at improvisation, and enjoy being vulnerable with the right people.
4. BDSM Can Boost Your Self-Esteem
BDSM can be transformative for people who are insecure, have different abilities, or body shapes that don’t fit into our culture’s too-narrow definition of sexy. The focus on endurance and intellectual sexiness helps, but BDSM also contains a sizeable group of followers who never engage in traditional vanilla sex. The expanded definition of sexual pleasure is inclusive for people who have a condition like erectile dysfunction and need to find other methods for exploring sensually. The ability to bring sexual pleasure to others in new ways can give you the extra kick of confidence you need to be your most fully expressed sexual self.
BDSM is excellent for people who are interested in widening their experience with sexual pleasure. However, if you’re nervous about talking with your partner about trying it or unsure what you might be interested in, you could benefit from speaking with a trusted therapist. They can help you safely navigate a hotter sex life while preserving your boundaries and maintaining a healthy self-image. Get in touch with one today.
Bio: Dr. Nazanin Moali is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in the Los Angeles area. She works with various individuals to understand and improve their sexuality. Dr. Moali conducts personal consultation sessions in her Torrance and Hermosa Beach offices, or via a secure, online video-counseling platform. Click here to download the 101 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Hot checklist. Download her new ebook, How to Increase Your Libido – For Women, here.