Masturbation is a healthy activity for many reasons: it can lower stress, calm your mind, relax your body, and more. But it also holds a treasure trove of information about your sexuality, turn-ons and turnoffs, and how you like to be touched. Exploring every inch of your body is not just fun, but it can give you helpful information to communicate to your sexual partners. Further, masturbation is a great tool to empower people with vulvas sexually. Here’s how to get started.
Taking the Time and Setting the Mood
The biggest mistake you can make when exploring your body is doing it on a strict timetable. Vulva-owners are known for taking a bit longer to get turned on, so you don’t want to rush the process.
Next, find time on the calendar when you can be distraction-free. Set aside an hour or so, and ensure that nothing will interrupt you—including your phone. Do it when you can be alone in your home so that you can focus fully on your sensations.
Even before you start touching yourself, you’ll want to create an ambiance that’s conducive to relaxation and arousal. Consider tidying up your space, putting clean sheets on your bed, turning some music on, and giving yourself some mental distance from the busyness of the day. Deep breathing can help you be present in your body and not allow your brain to ruin the experience.
Expert Techniques for Exploring Your Vulva
When you get started, don’t dive straight toward the breasts or clitoris. Touch other areas on your body so that you begin to feel tuned into your bodily sensations. Run your fingers along your stomach, hips, or thighs, or gently massage your neck and shoulders. Allow yourself to feel completely relaxed before exploring your vulva.
Then, when your body is ready for more stimulation, use a well-lubed finger or fingers to touch the skin around the vulva, stroke the labia, and build arousal before going for the more sensitive clitoris. Try different types of strokes, rhythms, and paces to find out which touches turn you on the most and which will propel you toward orgasm the quickest. Approach this process with curiosity, and don’t get frustrated with yourself if not everything turns you on. The less pressure you put on yourself to “perform” during this exploration, the more fun it will be.
Adding Sex Toys
Once you’ve explored with your fingers, you might be interested in trying other tools to help you learn about what feels good to you. When your fingers know what kind of sensations your vulva and vagina enjoy, it will be easier to select a sex toy. Do you like internal stimulation? You might enjoy trying a dildo. Do you like gentle touches on your clitoris? A vibrator may be in your future. Or, you may try a toy that offers dual sensations, a suction toy, or something that can help you explore your anus. All of these are excellent opportunities to learn more about your sexuality, and they can help you feel great about the many ways your body can get turned on. When you explore by yourself, you can feel free to react genuinely without the pressure of having a partner who is invested in your arousal watching you throughout.
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Bio: Dr. Nazanin Moali is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in the Los Angeles area. She works with various individuals to understand and improve their sexuality. Dr. Moali conducts personal consultation sessions in her Torrance and Hermosa Beach offices, or via a secure, online video-counseling platform. Click here to take the sex quiz for women.