Trying a new sex position can be more complex than it seems, and not all sex positions are available to everybody. You may only have one or two you’re comfortable with due to limited flexibility, fear of intimacy, or body insecurity. Some people are more flexible than others, and some are stronger. Perhaps you’ve undergone injuries, surgeries, or medical issues that impact which sexual positions are available to you. But even those of us who aren’t gymnasts or supermodels can try more interesting positions and may find sex more pleasurable. Here’s how to choose the best one for you.
Let’s Talk About Sex Positions, Baby
Some people may not have given sexual positions much thought. Many believe that they utilize the same sex position night after night because it’s the most natural or the most comfortable. But until you’ve tried many, you won’t know how much more pleasure you can experience. Like any component of sex, the positions you choose will improve if you put in the effort. Even if you currently use more than one position, you may still be going through the motions if you’re doing the same positions in the same order each time. That still counts as a routine, and sexual routines can lead to boredom.
If you have an established routine, talking about changing it may feel intimidating. If you bring it up at the wrong time, your partner may feel criticized or like you’re unhappy with your sex life. Talking about it with your partner outside the bedroom when you’re not having sex and are on good terms is crucial.
Choosing the Next Position
The first step is considering what you want in a sex position. While acrobatics may seem interesting when you see them in porn, in real life, they might be too athletic for you to relax and enjoy and have the most sensual time possible.
Perhaps the best thing you can do before choosing a new sex position is to get ultra comfortable in your own body. Practice looking at it in different positions so you will know what your partner sees beforehand if that’s an area of concern for you. Seeing how sexy you look can be empowering, and feeling comfortable in your body increases your chances of reaching orgasm, no matter the position you choose. If you feel insecure about how you look in a certain position, try replacing the self-criticism with body-positive or neutral statements to help you reframe your relationship to your body.
Finding a new, sustainable sex position means that it will have to be something you’re interested in and okay with doing rather than something that feels like it’s at the edge of your boundaries or comfort zone. Start slow, with a position that isn’t too complex.
Keeping a sense of humor and an attitude of playfulness is helpful, too. You may not fall in love with a new position the first, second, or third time you try it. Sometimes, it takes several tries to understand what you need, like more back support, extra lube, or a slower entry.
For added intimacy, consider starting with the lotus position, where you are both sitting facing each other, and the person being penetrated is slightly on top. The amount of eye contact you share can add to the intensity and excitement.
What Sex Positions Can’t Do
Sometimes, the goal of changing positions is so that your partner can target an erogenous zone more effectively, like your G- or P-spot. But often, the shape of your and your partner’s anatomy have more impact on this than any position you can find. If you try new positions and find that you’re still unsatisfied, try using your fingers or a toy for stimulation instead.
Taking It to Another Level
Getting some outside help is a great idea. Sex swings can help you try new positions that you may never have dreamed possible. Sex furniture can make you more comfortable, too. Specifically, sex pillows are effective for extra support, too, and they’re different from regular pillows because they’re much firmer.
Next, consider moving away from the bed. Changing rooms can alter the position and vibe enough to give you an extra sexy time. Having sex in a chair, standing up against the wall, or bent over a table can make sex feel brand new again. Shower sex is perfect for turning up the heat—literally.
One of the best things you can do to take your sex positions to the next level is to work with a specialist. To dive in deeper, check out my YouTube video below:
For more info, contact me for a free consultation today.
Bio: Dr. Nazanin Moali is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in the Los Angeles area. She works with various individuals to understand and improve their sexuality. Dr. Moali conducts personal consultation sessions in her Torrance and Hermosa Beach offices, or via a secure, online video-counseling platform. Click here to take the sex quiz for women.