If you’re not using sex toys, you’re missing out on some of the most orgasmic paths to pleasure that tech can offer. Sex toys are more common than ever, but they still face some stigma, and it can be tricky knowing which one will be best for you. Let’s talk about why they could rock your world and help you feel more empowered than ever.
Addressing Stigma, Jealousy, and Other Uncomfortable Feelings
Sex toys are enhancements—not replacements. Nor are they a sign of a failed sex life. Yet some partners may feel jealous that you’re reaching for a sex toy instead of reaching for them. Before you introduce the latest, greatest tech to your partner, find out about your partner’s history with them so that you aren’t surprised by their reaction. Using sex toys shows that you’re both committed to pleasure, and it can mean that you have open communication in your relationship. The flexibility to try new things in bed speaks volumes about the dynamic in your relationship, and it can be a bonding, intimate experience to share.
Another wrinkle you may experience is that culturally, some people experience sex as a hierarchy, where one type of sex is inherently better than another. Reaching an orgasm with a sex toy isn’t a lesser experience than getting off with your hand or from your partner’s stimulation. They are two different situations and experiences.
Including Your Partner
Talking to your partner about introducing a sex toy doesn’t have to be awkward. You could broach the subject by creating a yes/no/maybe list, where you both identify activities you are interested in but haven’t tried yet. The conversation can be fun and sexy if you’re both on the same page. Focus on the new experiences that you want to have together to connect on a more intimate level, not what your current sex life lacks.
It’s like when you were a kid: it matters who you’re playing with much more than it matters what you’re playing with. If you can both keep a curious outlook rather than a skeptical or shame-filled one, you’re going to have a hot time.
Experimentation is one of the joys of life: seeing new places, meeting new people, and feeling new sensations. Technology can help you discover sensations a person could never duplicate—and that’s the point. It’s not a competition; it’s a brand-new experience that you’re having together.
Better yet, sex toys can be empowering. If you’re used to having sex that you enjoy but doesn’t necessarily bring you to climax, including sex toys can be a way to prioritize your pleasure and reclaim your sexual power. Many people experience sex tech as a way to give them a sense of sexual justice, since it can cement the idea that everyone deserves to have an orgasm if they want one. Sex toys make that endeavor much more feasible, and so they can help to address the orgasm gap. Sex tech is changing the future of women’s sexual pleasure. For more on what to expect, you won’t want to miss my YouTube video below:
What to Buy and Where to Buy It
Knowing where to start can be overwhelming. There are so many sex toys on the market, you’re bound to find something that fits your style and your objective. People with vulvas will likely want to try a small vibrator of some sort. It’s a classic for a reason. The size and design won’t be intimidating, and they are usually quiet enough to use alone or with a partner. If you’re concerned about the noise, look for the decibel range, which is usually listed on the website. And if you need more power, you could upgrade to a wand. If you and your partner are into kink, handcuffs or blindfolds are a small, affordable place to start.
Going to a sex toy store in person for the first time is a good idea. Some stores will allow you to feel them before purchase, so you can get comfortable with what you’re bringing home. Everyone has different turn-offs, and seeing, feeling, and smelling the device before purchase is clutch until you find a brand you like and trust.
Staying away from unsafe or scammy sex toys is essential. Never buy from a reseller, like Amazon. There is a sea of sex toys, and you must ensure you purchase something that’s body-safe and going to be a fun foray into the world of sex tech. Buy directly from the manufacturer and only purchase devices made from body-safe materials, like silicone, glass, wood, or metal. Stay away from anything sticky or gummy. Those porous surfaces attract bacteria like a magnet.
Lastly, consider sex toys that will enrich role play. Role play is better with props. You can use a dildo for a double-penetration-simulation experience. Or use handcuffs or blind folds and nipple clamps for a power exchange. You will find sex toys that replicate (or attempt to replicate partnered sex. Blow job toys or clitoral suction devices can feel somewhat like oral sex, and you and your partner may enjoy concocting a sexy backstory for a fantasy to pair with your new device.
Here are some of our favorite sex toys:
For vulva owners: Lioness Save $20 with THIS link!
For penis owners: Firm Tech Save 15% with THIS link!