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Long-distance relationships can be tough to keep sexy. While absence may sometimes make the heart grow fonder, sometimes extended periods of absence may be frustrating and difficult. 


During the pandemic, we learned a collective lesson that sometimes you get separated from the people you love through circumstances beyond your control. So whether you’re in a long-distance relationship now or just want to know how to keep things sexy if you and your partner have to be away from each other, read the tips below to find out.


Set a Date

It’s more important in long-distance relationships to find a good time to get intimate. You can’t just wait for it to happen naturally because you’ll want to ensure your partner has the time and privacy to be intimate rather than surprising them with anything sexual. You may be navigating different time zones and work schedules, so it’s a bit more difficult than normal to find time for sex. You’ll have to be explicit and just ask your partner when they’ll have some time to themselves to connect with you sexually. 


If you don’t set a date, you run the risk of sex not happening at all. Sexless relationships are far too common, but they are fixable. If you’ve found yourself in a sexless relationship, the video below will map out a path back to sexual satisfaction for you.

Get Ready for Dirty Talk (and More)

When you can’t be with someone physically, all you have is communication. You must rely on your ability to express your desire, interest, and gratification for your partner to feel connected to you sexually. It’s a good idea to get comfortable expressing your desire explicitly because you can’t hint around at how much you want your partner with a flirty touch or seductive kiss. This direct communication is outside of some people’s comfort zones, but it can bring you closer together if you commit to it. You’ll understand your partner’s sexuality more clearly, and you can help them get to know yours, too. 


Pick a Medium

Which way you connect with your long-distance partner will depend on your personality and comfort level. Keep in mind that you don’t need to skip straight to explicit sex on FaceTime. If it seems more comfortable, start with sending spicy texts to each other at a predetermined time. That gives you space to practice expressing yourself without the added pressure of being recorded in real time. You have time to think about your answers and learn about what you like and what you don’t like. 


If you’re ready to take it to the next level, ask if your partner is interested in exploring phone sex or having sex on a video call. Phone sex is an easier next step because there is still a bit more distance since they can’t see you, but you do have the pressure of responding in real time. 


Lastly, you could try video sex. It’s a good idea to relax your mind before getting started, especially if you feel a little camera shy. Do something you find calming like going for a long walk in nature or even give yourself a little massage so that you begin to unwind. Don’t forget the foreplay! Make seduction and sensuality a part of the process to enhance your anticipation. If there are awkward moments, a sense of humor is handy to smooth over the situation. 


Maintain Your Privacy

Ensure your partner knows that whatever you do online stays between the two of you. Even if you trust your partner, have the conversation so that you don’t end up in a situation you regret. If you don’t trust your partner completely, it’s always a good idea to keep your face, location, and any identifying features out of the frame. 


Talk to a Trusted Professional

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Bio: Dr. Nazanin Moali is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in the Los Angeles area. She works with various individuals to understand and improve their sexuality. Dr. Moali conducts personal consultation sessions in her Torrance and Hermosa Beach offices, or via a secure, online video-counseling platform.  Click here to take the sex quiz for women.

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