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Having ED or an unpredictable sexual response is stressful in many ways. You may feel concerned not only about the newfound irregularity occurring within your body, but also anxious about how this has affected your partner’s pleasure. Sometimes talking about sex is more difficult than simply having sex, especially for people raised as men. Fortunately, there are ways to navigate ED that give your partner more pleasure than ever, regardless of the status of your erection. Here’s how to do just that.


Working With an Unpredictable Erection

Sometimes, people with penises develop erectile dysfunction. But other times, erections become more unpredictable and don’t necessarily fit the clinical definition of ED. No matter which category you fall into, you can manage this in ways that will only increase your partner’s pleasure and will probably help you feel more confident, too. 


The first tip is to not overexert yourself. Trying to force an erection rarely works. It can be stressful for you and your partner, and stress is the enemy of sexual arousal. Instead, switch what you’re doing and focus on something other than your erection. You could grab a favorite sex toy, use your fingers or mouth to stimulate your partner, or give your partner an erotic massage. 


Next, keep in mind that erections normally fluctuate throughout sex. Staying at 100% firmness throughout is just not realistic. People of every gender have variations in their state of arousal throughout sex. When you realize it’s not a big deal or necessarily a sign of sexual dysfunction, you can relax and enjoy yourself—and your partner.


Can ED be cured? Check out my video below to find out.

Trying New Things Can Help Increase Desire

It’s shocking how many problems trying a few new sexual tricks can solve. Low desire can be helped by this process—and so can performance anxiety. Low desire often happens when you fall into a sexual routine. It’s crucial to add new elements to your sex life to prevent having “leftover sex,” which is the same sex that you had last night.


Low desire can show up for people with penises sometimes just because there is a mismatch in libido with their partner. In this case, their arousal may not be low in general, but they feel as if they have low libido since they aren’t matching their partner’s sexual energy. The truth is that people with penises don’t always have a higher sex drive than people with vaginas. 


Lastly, low sexual desire can occur naturally with aging. Your body will change as you age, and so will your desires. But they should not disappear altogether. If you feel that your libido has drastically declined, it’s a good idea to get checked out by your doctor. 


Acknowledging What’s Going on Inside Your Body

Men experience sexual pain, though it’s not nearly as widely talked about as women’s sexual pain. Men may have pain during an erection, pain after ejaculation, or even pain during anal play. If you have sexual pain, it’s vital to speak up. Your body is trying to tell you something, and it’s essential that you listen. You’ll want your doctor to investigate your pelvic pain, and they can hopefully diagnose it and help you move through it. Sometimes, scans uncover what’s bothering you, but sometimes the pain can come from things that a scan won’t pick up. Either way, it’s essential information for you to have. Don’t give up if the doctor doesn’t have an answer—many times pain can come from a psychological issue.


Work With a Professional

Having better sex is just easier with a professional on your side. Contact me for a free consultation!



Bio: Dr. Nazanin Moali is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in the Los Angeles area. She works with various individuals to understand and improve their sexuality. Dr. Moali conducts personal consultation sessions in her Torrance and Hermosa Beach offices, or via a secure, online video-counseling platform.  Click here to take the sex quiz for women.

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