It is Time to Explore!
The world of kink is more intricate and nuanced than 50 Shades of Grey might have you think. Now that kink is dominant in our cultural conversations about sex, people are coming out of the woodwork to give it a try. The tips below can help beginners embrace their kink, talk to their partners about it, and accept their unique sexual persona.
An Intro to Kink
Because the definition of kink is so vast, there’s a good chance you’re kinky. Kink includes BDSM and fetishes, but it also incorporates other universes of sexual pleasure. Kink encompasses basically any sexual desires, fantasies, and acts that lie outside the cultural norm. The existence of kink shows just how culturally inclined we are to try to be normal, even at the expense of pleasure. If you’ve ever blindfolded your partner, used handcuffs, or talked dirty, you’re dabbling in that world already. There is no truly normal way to have sex. And the more you aim for normalcy, the greater chance that you forego pleasure in the search for ordinariness. That’s not fun for you—or your sex partners.
Some define fetishes as the sexualization of a non-sexual thing, like shoes, feet, balloons, clowns, and more. Others define it as a need rather than a want for climaxing. If you enjoy blowjobs, for instance, that’s quite typical. But if you can’t get off without one, you may have an oral sex fetish. Fetish is a specific type of kink, and you can be kinky without having a fetish.
Why is shame involved?
When people first realize their kinky inclinations, it can stir up anxiety or shame. That’s in part due to cultural stigmatization. The other culprit may be that you were taught that sex is sinful, wrong, or dirty, especially when it involves anything that’s not heteronormative and vanilla. But the studies have shown that heteronormative and vanilla sex isn’t always the most pleasurable; perhaps, other options can build self-confidence. In lieu of our upcoming 500th episode, let’s take a look back at Episode 433 for a better understanding of the benefits to self-exploration.
Where do these desires originate?
Kink interests arise for many reasons, but it’s an untrue stereotype that they always develop as a response to sexual abuse. You may find one kink healing because of your attachment type. The truth is that it may not matter why you are interested in kink. What matters is honoring your sexual template and trying new pathways to pleasure.
What are the benefits?
Indulging in kink means more than just a red-hot orgasm. It can feel like your partner sees and accepts all sides of you. It can help you explore power dynamics, personas, and activities that you may not have anticipated would turn you on. Getting to know yourself better is one of the many joys that exploring kinky sex provides.
Having a kink is a sign of creativity. It shows that you’re open-minded enough to think outside the box of normativity. Your kinks may not even be physically possible, but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t interesting and sexy to daydream about. Curiosity is a good thing to have in the bedroom, and it can keep sex hot for years to come.
How do I disclose my desires?
Before you can divulge a kink to someone, you need to feel like they are an emotionally safe person. If you’re terrified of being mocked, you may start feeling defensive before the conversation even begins. Telling your partner before you start a sexual relationship is the easiest way to go. But if you’re already committed, it’s still important to open. Find a time to discuss your sex life when you’re not about to get intimate. Allow your partner time to think about what you’re interested in and tell them why it turns you on.
Why understanding consent is important, for many reasons:
One of the trickier parts about kink is not that it relies on enthusiastic and consistent consent, but people don’t always know what they’re interested in trying before giving it a go. Further, many people raised as women feel like they should sacrifice their needs, wants, and emotional safety for the pleasure of others. That combination can make it difficult for people to safely explore their boundaries.
Any time you say “no,” it should be respected in a sexual situation. And when your “no” is respected, it means that your partner isn’t emotionally punishing afterward. In kink, many participants use aftercare to help ground themselves after an intense scene. But it’s also effective after a partner pulls out their safe word. Aftercare shows that you still want to connect, even if you both didn’t finish the activity. If your boundaries aren’t respected, that’s a red flag.
For more information on red flags to look out for in your kinky relationship, check out my video below:
Taking It a Step Further
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